Gaming, Puzzles & Dance
Gaming
I grew up enjoying playing outside, climbing the roof to watch the stars, picking intriguing rocks, didn’t like gardening as much but my mother would make us do that and then we witnessed the rise of the internet in the public space.
I played or watched people playing some of the early PC games like Pac-Man, Tetris, Prince of Persia, Diablo. Then on consoles we had Final Fantasy on the Nintendo Game Boy, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat on other Nintendo consoles, Sonic on Sega and of course, Legend of Zelda and Super Mario.
My dad was adamant about not having any toys suggesting guns but if you know anything about the gaming space of that time, those were pretty violent games and story lines, on top of being hugely popular. He couldn’t control what happened when we met with other kids at church. Then later came Starcraft and World of Warcraft from Blizzard.
My dad made us cut back on this especially during the week when we would go to school. I was complaining about having nightmares so he made us watch Disney movies instead. Yeah, even back then I sort of got the irony of it. Some Disney, Bugs Bunny and Looney Toons story lines are not that different from Street Fighter or even Mortal Kombat story lines. They’re just visually packaged differently.
Eventually, I learned to laugh it all off. Laugh, laugh, laugh, life is a game, don’t take it so seriously, just laugh. Especially at the cynicism present in strategy games like Starcraft and Civilization and how “wait, doesn’t that resemble what we know of history?” Those strategy games were amongst my favourite digital games too. If you can’t defeat them, laugh it off. There is a reason the TV show Stranger Things is situated in that era.
I am immensely grateful that my journey led me to letting go of cynicism and reappropriate my sense of wonder and awe. Yes, that meant being ridiculed a lot in the process but I feel much happier these days. That ability of “laughing at” I realised was conferring an illusory sense of protection from the random bad sh*t that I felt was happening to me.
In contrast, when I courageously decided to reconnect with my sense of awe and wonder, with my ability to be grateful for the moment, I had to just somehow say to myself : “Life happens for me, not to me.” I sought to see how I contributed to something I didn’t like, then let go of even that and switched to focusing on how I could take responsibility. This was excruciating. Talk about ego death. Urgh.
On top of having people constantly seeking to fault you, the stalking, the poisoning…I had to take responsibility? Self-flagellating much?
The Channelling Session
This led me to many dark nights of the soul and to a retreat in Sedona, Arizona. It was my second retreat within that personal development modality. I was being highly bullied at work and at school so most of my social life was spent online, namely in Facebook groups like the one I was involved back then. It felt disconcerting to meet the people I was chatting with in real life. I was purposefully being cut off when I would speak, spied upon, etc. basically the same kind of stuff that I had been experiencing over the years. It was such a condensed version though that I went out, spent time running and screaming outside. I did my best to just not respond back with venom. The founder had insinuated that sometimes tough love situations were orchestrated in these retreats in order help us get pass certain blockages. When I came back from letting out some steam, the founder offered to conduct a channelling session for me. At first, I refused. Tough love tactics or not, at that point I just didn’t trust any of them. However, she sounded truly dismayed that I would pass the chance to have a channelling session after all that, so I accepted but I was deeply upset.
What happened surprised everyone. The being that came on sounded unemotional rather than completely robotic. I just asked : “Why is this happening to me?” And that being addressed me as a sovereign being who had chose to be here. In a few seconds or maybe minutes, I went from completely crushed, teary-eyed and sounding like a little girl with a shrill voice to seating upright, eyes drying and attentive. The victim attitude was gone. I somehow felt that that entity sounded so unemotional because its emotional control is such that it knows exactly how sounds affect the emotional body. I call the channelled presence “it” here and “that being”, but to me it sounded like Source or close enough. I usually refer to Source as he or she in my journaling (or even sometimes we but let’s not go there…today). Since I didn’t ask for a name nor who the being channelled was at the time, a reverent “it” it is then, with a very respectful intent to it.
It said : “Hmmm…Your problem is…you worry too much.”
My jaw dropped. Now it had my complete attention. It said : “Don’t worry.”1 I sort of argued with it with some circular logic, but eventually I agreed not to give in to worry nor fear. The assistance was baffled.
This happened in 2018, after I had watched the movie Jupiter Ascending over and over back in late 2017, had marvelled on the scene with the bees and some other scenes had rang a bell, but overall had brushed it off. In what kind of universe would someone create a movie to address me? It sounded like a ludicrous, over the top idea, even for someone like me, who enjoys being imaginative. Yeah, I stopped thinking that way recently.
So at that channelling session, I asked when should I quit my job because it was clear that it had become untenable and the being said : “There will be a purge.” I made an agreement with it then, which was that I would receive guidance in my dreams (if I remember the terms of the agreement correctly), so I would have to make sure to pay attention to them. This is in line with what I had wrote as my ideal life (romantic life, social life) and occupation in 2017. I had posted my vision of a dream life in the private Facebook group of that personal development company and some of those other attendants hired as community gang stalkers looked incensed about it but looked like they were making visible efforts to restrain themselves from revealing anything. During my stay there, I received other information pertaining that initial vision, in my dreams like the being said. It took me years to make sense of some of it but with practice these days, a lot more is starting to make sense a lot faster. One thing I noticed is that I received a description of Agent J as my ideal partner that engaged my curiosity and sense of wonder rather than suspicion or fear. A kind of riddle like a puzzle or a Clues board game if you will, which is how the Big Bad Wolf series is constructed.
Since then, there has indeed been a purge…well, several purges. One was orchestrated at work years later after making it really hard for me to keep my end of the deal and eventually I left. Earth’s hierarchy is going through a purge.2 At the time, I was so happy and restored that I understood “purge” as me having to purge myself which I started doing. I purged my diet of a lot things which helped tremendously and I’m still working at it. I received a lot during that retreat and the organisation sent me something to basically agree not to sue them for what had happened during that retreat. I still agree with not suing that organisation although if you watch the whole Magic Mike’s Last Dance movie, you might notice Agent J’s point of view on this.
That channelling session didn’t go as expected at all. It was a surprise both for me and the people who orchestrated it. A friend of the founder came and made a speech about the importance of doing our own shadow work. I didn’t quite understand back then what had been the point of that talk until much later, when this started to trend in New Age circles and beyond, i.e. this had been gaslighting, spiritual bypassing, passive aggression on steroids. Coincidentally, the founder invited a black girlfriend maybe just in case I thought of accusing her of racism?
I didn’t think of asking the name of the being and I am glad I didn’t. At the time, I just felt a sense of recognition from having imagined so many dialogues with God, thanks to having read and listened to the Conversations with God trilogy several times over a decade earlier, so a name felt unnecessary. On the other hand, that being’s name might have been even more risky for that channeler. I suspect that the new wave of conversions to Christianity from people who were once New Age adherents might have to do with that event, since among them is Doreen Virtue, converted in 2017, shocking her readership and beyond. I discovered her books as a teen and that had started me on the “food as medicine” train and star children discussions. Additionally, I did notice that there has been a ramping up in fear about witchcraft, etc. I suspect that insinuation that New Age practices either are witchcraft or somehow facilitate for someone to be possessed by malevolent forces are taken far more seriously these days if TV Shows like Evil and movies like Insidious are indicative of anything.
Given how wise the being channelled sounded and felt, I doubt that that being would have done anything to endanger the channeler even if I would ask for a name or some way to identify it. I didn’t stay long in that modality after that because it became clear that they had received instructions to be this hurtful. So I wasn’t too happy with them and eventually just cut ties entirely.
Dance
I’ve gone back to dancing lately.3 It’s not that I no longer approve of gaming or that I stopped enjoying laughing, lol. It’s that I much more enjoy laughing with than “laughing at” and the thought process that I witness when I dance, paint or draw just fills me with curiosity, awe and wonder. I just feel in the flow of life then. I dance outside these days too, which I am grateful for. No matter how much social rejection I would encounter, I always felt at home in Nature.
Nature would remind me of who I am as if it is so evident that no words, no questions, no doubt can subsist in that space. In presence of the expansiveness of Nature, I simply am.
Why is this happening for me? Everyone has their own unique soul journey to go through. When the going got tough sometimes I would repeat to myself : “I am not giving up! I am not giving up because no way am I repeating this class!” I could sense that giving up would just postpone the lesson, not avoid it nor get rid of it completely and my soul had communicated to me repeatedly over the years that this is where I am in my soul evolution. Comparing my journey to another’s is pointless.
Thank you for your attention and see you at the next one!
By the way, I received several confirmations about what was said during that channelling session since then, but here are some of them. Ground Command Kimberly Ann Goguen talks about her own journey and mentions exactly that. In those cases, it is best not to worry as lingering in that spectrum of emotion is food for lower astral beings. That said, it’s important of course to seek concrete support as well, as this is domestic abuse.
There is a good chance that the being channelled sounded so close to robotic also to get me more concretely acquainted with the concept of AI. Through my dreams, I received messages saying that Source used a proxy, an artificial life form way more advanced than known human technology. I still felt really scared about AI when I listened to alt media in 2020. That fear dissipated when listening to UNN newscasts as it also touched upon real Earth and cosmic history and coincided and helped clear information I received directly through dreams and intuitive insights.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, Agent J continued to investigate despite me basically saying that I wanted to end my relationship with him and reached out to me through the Big Bad Wolf series (2018-2021), the movies Dog (2022) and Magic Mike’s Last Dance (2023).
As reported by United Network News (UNN) at www.unitednetwork.earth. UNN also reported the Legion coming on Earth which was something that the movie Jupiter Ascending talked about but given the tone of the movie, it was expected to be in favour of the deep state and their allies.